- The following takes place on Saturday Night, May 22nd. All events occur in real time. Ok Now that I have gotten my weak rip off of 24 opening out of the way here goes nothing.
7:25pm- Coming to you live (well not when you read this, but you get the point) from my living room where I am currently sprawled out on my recliner watching ESPN’s crapatastic pre-game show hosted by that mutant Stuart Scott, the annoying Mike Wilbon, the world’s fattest AIDS sufferer Magic Johnson and the bland Jon Barry. No wonder why the show is sponsored by Kia because no other company worth its salt would sanction a broadcast with these four clowns. Give me TNT’s studio show any day of the week minus Reggie Miller
7:32- Still waiting for tip-off but I must say I get really excited every time one of those World Cup commercials comes on especially the one using U2’s “Out of Control”
7:33- Nice montage to open the broadcast.
7:34- Our first shot of Ron Jeremy, err Stan Van Gundy (I am sure that joke has never been made before)
7:36- It must be 80’s night at the TD North Fleet Center Boston Garden. Ozzy’s “Crazy Train” followed by GNR’s “Welcome to the Jungle” to warm up the crowd. I’m sure Rondo is getting pumped
7:38- And were off…
1st Quarter
7:38- Paul Pierce with our first bucket of the night. If he gets hot it will be a long night for the Magic
7: 40- Rashard Lewis continues his stellar ECF performance: a missed wide open 3 and an offensive foul next possession. Celts up 7-0
7:42- Dwight Howard’s free throw shooting style looks like a fat chick in yoga pants just a bad look.
7:46- Ray Allen just blows by Dwight Howard and throws down a dunk and Mark Jackson rattles off a poor version of the “Superman” theme song during the replay. 1st TV timeout could not have come at a better time cutting off Jackson. Celts up 9-6
7: 49- Thrown down to Doris Burke (eh, not good) after the break. Are we sure Carissa Thompson was busy tonight?
7:52- Am I sensing a trend? Kendrick Perkins just blew by Howard for a reverse lay-up. Apparently, the Magic are using the Mark Hansen style of help defense
7:55- Timeout Magic. Celts up 16-6. Just a terrible start for Orlando, Jammer Nelson looks like the only player that knew this was a playoff game tonight. Although, I am expecting big things from Vince Carter because he always shows up when the chips are down…
7:56- Amazing is that Jason Williams is still appearing in NBA commercials or even more amazing is that he is playing decent minutes for a team in the Conference Finals.
8:00- Never thought I would type that JJ Redick coming in for the Magic could provide the offensive spark that their looking for. Usually the only spark Redick provides is contempt from people, especially those who love to rip on popped collar, basketball playing d-bags from Duke.
8:04- And we have reached the end of 1 quarter and it’s Boston 27 – Orlando 12. The Celtics played great defense and spread the ball around on offense. Whereas the Magic have run the equivalent of a bad high school offense, with the intensity of a Jimmy Buffet concert. It also helps if you guard people on defense.
2nd Quarter
8:10- Glen “Big Baby” Davis drives for a lay-up and falls into the stands for a quick snack. Celts up 31-15
8:11- When Dwight Howard gets deep in the lane forget about it. Even Mark Eaton in his prime wouldn’t have stood a chance
8: 12- Rajon Rondo pulls an oke-doke move on Jason Williams and Marcin Gortat for an and 1. This guy is making a serious push to be included in that discussion about the top PG’s in the league. And then diving on the floor for a loose ball then getting back up for a lay-up doesn’t hurt his case either. Magic timeout. Celts up 36-17
8:18- Second Unit time for the Celts, let’s see if the Magic can make a push or not. Celts up 41-19
8:20- Jeff Van Gundy just firing on his brothers team calling them soft and he couldn’t be more right. Telling words from a man that wrapped himself around an opposing player’s ankle during a brawl in the late 90’s.
8:22- Vince Carter finally on the board with 5:50 left in the 1st half. Celts up 43-27.
8:28- When Tony Allen is whipping around 1 handed bounce passes to wide open teammates it’s not a good sign for the other team.
8:30- I have seen better offenses at the YMCA then the Orlando Magic are running tonight. Just plain sloppy and uninspired
8:35- It’s not a good sign for Orlando when JJ Redick has been your most consistent player in the series thus far.
8:36- So, now you hit your free throws Vince. Where was that in the 4th quarter of game 2? Celts up 50-34
8:40- Sorry, I just passed out when I just saw crawling across the bottom of the TV screen that Dice-K has a no hitter through 7 innings. (Player on my fantasy roster that deserves to die a painful death or maybe not?)
8: 40- We are at the half with the Celtics leading 51-34. I am going to turn on the Cubs for some excitement or at least some comic relief.
Halftime
8:51- Where is Chris Connelly for this Vince Carter halftime piece about his drug addict brother? I thought he was a permanent fixture for these depressing ESPN pieces.
8:56- Stuart Scott just jinxed Dice- K’s no hitter. Can someone jinx Stu Scott’s career at ESPN?
8:58- I know this is not a popular opinion but seeing Bill Walton in a commercial makes me miss him in the broadcast booth. Come back, Bill I miss your mid-game acid flashbacks
9:00- Eminem providing the soundtrack for the three 1st half highlights. Versus has a hotter sideline reporter, but at least ESPN is not trotting out Hoobastank songs for highlights.
3rd Quarter
9:02- We have a barn burner on our hands especially when Mike Breen is asking where the phrase: “until the cows come home” originated from with a minute elapsed in the 2nd half. Celts up 53-36
9: 04- Exactly what role other than talking up space is Matt Barnes occupying for the Magic on the floor?
9:08- I think I have the answer for the Barnes question: thug / dirty player certainly not an offensive threat or shutdown defender.
9:10- With 7:43 left in the 3rd Quarter Breen, Jackson and Van Gundy are already filling time with everything other than the action on the court.
9:11- Watch out!!! He hit a wide open jumper!!! Here comes the Vince Carter show, with the Magic down 20. Celts 60-40
9:15- KG knocks down a jump shot. It’s not even that the Celtics have been that dominant (they have been good) it’s that the Magic have been just downright awful. Timeout Magic. Celtics up 66-43
9:18- Hey, great to see my guy Sherman Douglas third on the Celtics list for assists
9:20- The Celtics could probably check-in Brian Scalabrine in street clothes and he would have a dozen points by now (Trying to keep myself amused and not pass out on my keyboard)
9:22- Just did a quick flip around the channels and it’s depressing to say that this NBA game is still the best thing going on basic cable.
9:25- Are we sure that this is the Orlando Magic and not the Atlanta Hawks? It’s like the Magic caught a nasty STD from their one night stand (sweep) against Atlanta. Because this is certainly not the same team that was hottest team in the NBA heading into the playoffs.
9:27- I love Jeff Van Gundy. He is certainly honest you can say that.
4th Quarter
9:34- I just spaced out for a few minutes. Celtics start the 4th quarter up 75-49
9:35- A game like this is certainly bringing back fans to the NBA…
9:37- It’s pretty bad when the Celtics fans are chanting “Beat LA” to keep themselves entertained
9:40- Filler Time: Has Rajon Rando been the best player in the 2010 NBA playoffs? I say yes if not then he is 1A next to Kobe. He has really elevated his game in these playoffs to another level. To be honest ever since Game 6 of the 2008 NBA finals you could say that Rondo has been the best player on the Celtics. I think Paul Pierce said it best in a interview piece from this game in that before Rondo use to defer to the Big 3 ( Pierce, Allen and Garnett), but now they are deferring to him to take over and run the show. That’s a big statement from a future hall-of-famer
9:45- Passing time by checking twitter- Ric Bucher (9:33pm) “Diehard Sports town, Boston, but music-wise, stuck firmly in the 70s” right on cue Tom Petty on the arena loudspeakers takes us into the break. Celtics lead 85-56
9:49- Is it 2pm Sunday yet? I am firmly committed to the Indian
9:53- Marquis Daniels checks into the game for Celtics. I wonder if his dad has checked out of prison yet?
9:54- Great flex of the rim by Brandon Bass for his 1st points of the series. Too bad your team is down 27
9:55- Not that it wasn’t over before, but it’s officially garbage time with Nate Robinson checking in
9:58- A shot of two asshats wearing Lakers jerseys in the stands and Jeff Van Gundy rightly asks: Why in the hell are they wearing Lakers jerseys in Boston when the Lakers aren’t even playing.
10:00- I am considering doing this for Lakers-Suns tomorrow night, so if you’re still reading this and planning on watching the game don’t bother because I am sure (with my luck) that the game will end up being just as boring as tonight.
10:05- JVG ripping on Vince Carter (easy target). How about ripping your bro for his preparation of his team tonight? They played with no heart, ran terrible sets on offense and would have been better off using stick figures on the defensive end to try and stop the Celtics
10:06- Ouch!! Dwight Howard’s stat line for the night: 7 points and 7 rebounds.
10:08- And the horn sounds on a rollicking contest between the Celtics and the Magic. Boston 94 and Orlando 71
It needs to be said that outside of Lakers-Thunder series and few other scattered games (notably: Boston-Orlando game 2) that the 2010NBA playoffs have been an absolute dud. I blame myself for starting this blog and jinxing all the excitement out of the NBA playoffs.
Till next time…
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